April 2011 Archives

Frank S.ent a bunch ...

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Pot FarmVille:




There were two nuns.. 

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), 

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL) . 

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. 

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. 

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. 

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. 

SM: It's not working. 

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. 

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. 

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. 

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. 

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. 

Then Sister Logical arrives. 

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! 

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me 

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. 

SM: And? 

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me. 

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do? 

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. 

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. 

SM: Oh, no! What happened then? 

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down. 

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, 

Say two Hail Marys! 

and.. of course - forward this mail! 

Troll forwards puns

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You know how I love puns!
From: Kathryn

Potato Jokes

Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.

How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.

What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!

What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry!

From Cardinal Bruce Bush

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Y'all know that I care about our country and have been saddened by our political mess for years.  Well, lately, my view has been "distilled" or at least focused a bit tighter on a few root or key issues that cause and/or effect much of the rest.  One major pain, for me, is the enormous amount of lying that comes out of politicians' and political pudits' mouths.  Sometimes it really seems the whole thing is just one version or another of the ancient formulas for people control, that is, divide-and-conquer or bread-and-circuses.  Consequently, when I see stuff that zeroes-in on the lies or sheds some clear light on the Big Picture, I like it and want to share it.

Now, this first article is kinda long, and it challenges big myths that most of us hold onto about America, so it may be a tough read and you may want to argue about it.  But if you don't read any of it, at least have a look at the "tube charts" below the text; they really can't be argued with: 


Then, there's this video on the real Tea Party from Thom Hartmann, and again it's kinda long, but the essence is that the incident that sparked the American Revolution was an act of rebellion against a government-granted tax break for world's largest multi-national corporation.  I found it a fascinating real history lesson you didn't learn in school:

Finally, the one that'll surprise those who know me as a libertarian, I figure we're in dire need of a balancing fact-based review of American progress in the face of massive media-manipulated corporate-sponsored political distortions of our history and current state of affairs:

Of course, all this begs the question, "What the hell can we do about it?"  Well, before we can do much, we have to know the truth... and, I think, spread it around.

What if ...

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We were to give the UN taxing authority on global corporations, they'd have nowhere to hide, and we could slough off that 'world policeman' BS to another 'higher' power.

CJ Left one off ...

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Yeah, what about that Hydrogen Hydroxide scare?  Or was that DHMO?


The Top 10 April Fools' Day Hoaxes

No one enjoys April Fools' Day as much as the media. The 10-year-old comes out in every reporter. Don't believe it? Check out this list of top 10 list of April Fools' hoaxes ranked as the best ever by "The Museum of Hoaxes: A History of Outrageous Pranks and Deceptions," by Alex Boese.

No. 1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957, the BBC news show "Panorama" announced that the dreaded spaghetti weevil had been virtually eliminated by the very mild winter weather. That meant Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Cue the film footage: Swiss peasants were shown pulling strands of spaghetti from trees. Many viewers fell for it, calling the BBC asking how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. The answer: Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.

No. 2: Sidd Finch
Sports Illustrated published a story in April 1985 about Sidd Finch, a rookie pitcher for the Mets who could throw a baseball with startling, pinpoint accuracy at 168 mph. That's 65 mph faster than anyone else has ever been able to throw a ball. Finch had never before played baseball, having mastered his pitch in a Tibetan monastery. Too bad for Mets' fans that Sidd Finch existed only in the imagination of the article's writer, the great George Plimpton.

No. 3 Instant Color TV
In the black-and-white television days of 1962, the only TV network in Sweden announced that thanks to new technology, viewers could convert their existing black-and-white sets to color reception by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. It was even demonstrated on air. Hundreds of thousands of people reportedly fell for it.

No. 4: The Taco Liberty Bell
Taco Bell Corp. announced in 1996 that it had bought the Liberty Bell from Uncle Sam and would be renaming it Taco Liberty Bell. Citizens called in outrage! Hours later, Taco Bell revealed it was all a joke. When then White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, he quipped that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

No. 5: San Serriffe
Looking for the perfect vacation spot? Go to San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands, including Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. In 1977, the British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement promoting San Serriffe. The newspaper's phones rang all day with calls from readers wanting more information. Few ever noticed that everything about the place was named after printer's terminology.

No. 6: Nixon for President
In 1992, National Public Radio's "Talk of the Nation" program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Audio clips were aired of Nixon's speech announcing his candidacy. Host John Hockenberry, thanks to the voice of comedian Rich Little who impersonated Tricky Dick, kept the hoax up until the second half of his show.

No. 7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi

The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0. It was a parody about legislative attempts to dictate the teaching of evolution, but once it was published on the Internet as if it were real legislation, the Alabama state legislature received hundreds of protest calls.

No. 8: The Left-Handed Whopper
Burger King published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," especially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper, but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers.

No. 9: Hotheaded Naked Ice Borers
Discover Magazine announced in April 1995 that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins. Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads were responsible for the disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837.

No. 10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity
In 1976, British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 a.m. a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience at home. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. Hundreds of people claimed to have felt it. One woman even reported that she and her 11 friends floated around the room.




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