February 2011 Archives

The Attack Plan

| No Comments | No TrackBacks
On Wikileaks, that is.  It was apparently leaked.


BTW, this entire document appears to be a great write-up of what one could gather from Google, Facebook, whois, and a map.  I bet it cost the government six figures.

They probably could have gotten better work done with a pizza party at a college.

On Gun Safety

| No Comments | No TrackBacks
I've told this story plenty privately, but never brought it up in public.  I suspect it's better public.

I had (have) a friend who was (probably still is, I've not queried on the topic) a 'gun nut'.

Now, irregardless of the 'TV News' take on these folks, I can tell you w/o question that people can be perhaps a BIT too fascinated with firearms.

To wit:

I go over to his residence to help him move a loading table from one floor to another.  A 'Loading Table' (for those of you who aren't familiar), is a table designed from the get-go to be a place to reload cartridges).  There's a thing to pop the cap out, and a thing to crimp the bullet in place, and between the two, there's a gun nut with gunpowder, putting what he think's is 'right' in the cartridge.

Now, I seem a bit flippant, but the guy with the table was not just a nut, but an EXPERT nut.  He knew the ballistics inside-out.  It was (and still is) an honor to be his friend.  He's not harmful at all.

Still, the day that he had me move the table, he showed off his stuff.  He didn't think it odd to have a loaded 22 caliber pistol mixed in with the potato mashers and spatulas.

He had a replaceable barrel target pistol (one shot only).

He had a lovely chrome-plated .357 Magnum pistol.  It was the crown-jewel of the tour of the armory.  It was a splendid armory, and I'd suspect that given notice and protection from shells, he'd be able to not only 'hold off' but likely overpower an invader.

Now, I didn't notice that as he handed me each gun, he'd carefully unloaded it.  I was harmless.

So, when I reached back and picked up the .357 and pointed it at the door, and pulled the trigger, and it BOOMED!!!, I thought he'd pulled a joke on me (blanks or something).

He was white as a sheet.  As I'd handed the guns back, he'd nearly subconsciously reloaded them.

His girlfriend arrived just a bit later.  The hole in the glass in the door was just about where her nose was.


| No Comments | No TrackBacks
I don't know how many of you know, or remember, but I spent a great deal of my youth sans TV.  From 1985 till 1992 I had no TV at all (actually, I have a kid's TV that my mom gave me when she found out I had none--just for emergencies, heh--I haven't had an emergency yet that a TV had anything good to add to the experience).  My parents were also very restrictive of this experience, for which I need to thank them in public (thanks, Mom & Dad).

There were two books, both recommended by a genius I know named Bob Legan, which were both informative, entertaining, and compelling in their arguments.  One was called "The Plug-In Drug" and the other was "Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television" (terribly compelling, and strangely enough, by a man named "Jerry Mander").

I decided to pull my own plug.  It lasted seven years.

When I got snookered by the she-devil, one of the things she re-introduced was TV.  It started out as the Oscars, as I recall.  

Over the years, it became more and more predominant in my life, both because I was watching our 'shows' with her, and because I was actually making videos and putting them on the local cable access channel.

When she was gone, and the contract for the satellite came up for renewal, I opted out and pulled the plug again.  But I've got 'wireless'.

I was fascinated to find that there is still NTSC (analog) broadcast out here in Mendojuana County (perhaps the hippies just forgot about the memo to switch to digital?).  I watch it when I'm not feeling well (always a panacea to have a distraction).

But one thing never came back.  I've yet to like a single situation comedy.  I watch Vampire Diaries, and Smallville, and sometimes House (though not so much since they went off on the crazy thing).  I watch documentaries, and cooking shows, and building shows, but I don't watch much 'entertainment' and hardly any comedy.

Now, it's not that I don't like comedy.  I watch plenty of Comedy Central, and I know I've posted about "The Legend of Neil" (which is absurd beyond silly, I'm not sure what category to put that in).  I really enjoy comedy, just not situation comedy.

I don't like Seinfeld.  I don't particularly like Third Rock from the Sun, or Cheers, or Friends, or whatever.  I don't know how it happened, but when I came back to watching the tube, the comedy characters all just seemed so contrived that it was absurd to even consider taking them as characters.  My ex thought they were believable (but then, she was a bit more contrived than they were, as it turned out).  Her, I can understand.

My folks told me about one of the new ones, "The Big Bang Theory".  It's like "Pee-Wee gets his Tenure" meets "Harold and Kumar".  I couldn't get through one episode.

I watch them all online, BTW (and watch more foreign news than all that put together).

Trois Troll Funny

| No Comments | No TrackBacks

From:  Kathryn

Life's Crazy Rules

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. 

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. 

* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it. 

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. 

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. 

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. 

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. 

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. 

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway. 

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. 

* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off. 

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. 

* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

Troll sends a funny, two

| No Comments | No TrackBacks
Fw: Correct grammar
From: Randy
Date: Sat, Jan 22, 2011 8:12 pm

Sent: Fri, January 21, 2011 1:01:59 PM
Subject: FW: Correct grammar

Those of us who utilize the written word should take note of the importance of correct

I have noticed that many who email, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and 
helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I hope I've made myself clear.

Thank you,

Troll sends a funny

| No Comments | No TrackBacks


Dear Ma and Pa, 

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. 

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. 

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. 

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. 

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. 

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes. 

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry. 

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. 

Your loving daughter, 


Frank S.ent another gem:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? 

Yes, maybe (heh).  So, which did come first?  Is the graphic graphic enough?



About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries from February 2011 listed from newest to oldest.

January 2011 is the previous archive.

March 2011 is the next archive.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Mentionables ...


Visitor Map

Creative Commons License
This blog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Powered by Movable Type 4.21-en